Looking back to move forward

I have to tell you, life is strange. I had plans of writing a completely different post than I am, but I just can’t shake yesterday off yet. Yesterday I started out taking pictures of our three beautiful rivers here in Massena and I ended my day at a bar talking with two great guys about our children’s prom. In the middle of that I watched my bouncing baby boy get ready for that prom and I had to say goodbye to a dear friend at the funeral home. Yes, it was a day full of emotions.

I spent hours yesterday thinking about my son growing up. Visions of sitting on the back porch of our apartment reading Field and Stream to a two day old as he slept. Listening to him beg for that damn rocket fishing rod that only worked ¼ of the time. Holding his hand as we walked into Pre-K together. Teaching him to skate while still in diapers. First bike rides, trips to camp, hunting, fishing, all the memories came back to me. All the “WHY” questions and the “BECAUSE isn’t an answer Daddy” conversations. The birth of my second son, tying on that new white belt at karate. T-Ball games, making campfires, figuring out how to set up the new tent, downhill skiing, kayaking, Cub Scouts, musicals, hiking, all the memories filled me with joy.

Yes, helping my son get dressed in his first tuxedo brought back some great adventures as I watched him hop in the car and drive away with a tear in my eye.

My next stop was the funeral home. We all hate walking into these places but it must be done. Standing in line waiting to speak to Mikey’s family was tough. I was doing alright until I saw the picture. When it was my turn to talk to his father I could tell he didn’t recognize me. It had been quite a few years since we’ve seen each other. He greeted me with a gentle handshake and thanked me for coming. When I told him who I was, His other hand embraced me and his emotions changed. He said “Jesus Christ, you were one of the four.” We both smiled, laughed, and teared up all at the same time. As those words left his lips a whole new batch of memories came to me. A time before marriage, kids, a career, and responsibilities. A time when Mikey, myself, and a few other friends all lived together in his father’s rental house. An era of crappy minimum wage jobs and not caring much about anything. We were only responsible for ourselves and, to be honest, we weren't even very good at that most of the time. As long as we had money for beer and pizza we could survive. Living life by the minute and knee jerk decisions was the only way to live. Oh, the stories I could tell. The road trip to Maine, camp, hunting, shooting, golfing. There were some life altering events that occurred. Some stories I still don’t know if I can tell because I’m not sure if the statute of limitations is up yet. Thank God there were no cell phone cameras and social media then. Yes, that was a different time in life and I’m so thankful to have shared it with him. I was asked a few days after Mikey’s sudden death about what he was like. “FUN'' was my answer, he was always having fun. No matter what the dead end job was or the situation he was dealing with he always had fun. Always had a big smile on his face and an unforgettable laugh. He was always up for any adventure no matter what time it was or what his bank account had in it. Yes, that simple embrace from his father flooded me with memories. Leaving the funeral home in a somber mood I was ready for a beer and some FUN.

Today I sit here thinking about how much my life has changed. From living in a crazy house that resembled something out of a 90’s comedy to being married with two wonderful children and living in a comfortable home. Looking back it’s been one hell of an adventure so far and it’s far from over. Mikey’s very unexpected death was a real gut check for me and I think we all need a good gut check once in a while. We need to be reminded that life is short and we need to take advantage of every breath we take. Yes we all need to make sure the kids are fed and the bills are paid but we can’t live life just to pay the tax man. We must embrace our inner adventurer and let it out. Let’s make new friends. We need friends that are more like family and not just a face on Facebook.

Take your allowed time off from work. It’s true, we are only just a number on a spreadsheet. If we leave today, they will replace us tomorrow. Take the road trip you've been talking about, the kids will never forget it. Buy the boat, you can always sell it later.

Try something new. Sometimes a few nights in a tent next to a campfire is all you need to feel alive. Get reservations at that restaurant you've been wanting to go to. Get the fancy meal, it will be worth it. Buy from the top shelf once in a while at the liquor store. There will be a special occasion when you will want the good whiskey.

Be goofy and silly.

Climb that mountain, paddle that stream.

Dance with your wife even though no one else is dancing. Encourage your kids to put down the computer and explore the world. Take lots of pictures and embrace the moments because they won’t last forever. Someday all we will have are the memories so live life like every day is an adventure. I received a text from my son last night while he was at prom, asking me if it was ok if he could use the tent and go to the campground after prom with his friends. I took a sip of my beer and smiled.

I could see myself in that message. At 17 he’s starting to get it. Live your adventure, you never know when it might be your last one.

Aaron Hardy

Northern NY Adventures